lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
