He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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