At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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