Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
