dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
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do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
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This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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