how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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