A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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