she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
