omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
