im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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