I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize