if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
