when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
