Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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