I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
