new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
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