Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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