also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
