I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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