are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
It's blow job season.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
