After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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