is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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