was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I need moral support for this bender
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
