She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
