I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
