Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
The beers last night were like the tears from god
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
