i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm too high and old for this...
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
