I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
