I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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