Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She told me I should be a condom model.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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