Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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