I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
