In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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