His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
