I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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