We're like a lot better than the average bears
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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