the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
We have started to decorate penises.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
