Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
