True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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