Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
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Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
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You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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