nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
