i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
