I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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