We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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