i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
