You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
