you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
