Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
