this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
