When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
