just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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