More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
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