i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
