i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
