I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
