East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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