i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
