Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Help me help you realize you are a moron
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
