Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
