the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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