You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
