its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
