I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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