So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
