i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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