Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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