It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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