Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
