soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Randomize
