I have demons in me.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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