Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
