i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
