oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
