I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
