im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
