if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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