is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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